A Loving Divorce
I get it, the title seems weird. How can you call a divorce loving? If you choose to get divorced with love instead of hate, you can. I believe society has programmed us that divorce has to be ugly, it has to be because two people just can’t stand each other anymore, it HAS to be done in hate.
I believe that is just not the case.
I got married full of love. I built a great life with an amazing person, with love. We brought the 3 greatest blessings into this world with an immense amount of love. We fought HARD, for years, with love to “save our marriage.” We did everything we could with love, and I was going to be damned if we didn’t end it with love also.
The details of our marriage are obviously personal, and don’t need to be shared with the world for you to understand this concept. But just know that for years our marriage struggled. It went through communication issues, trust issues, and even an affair, on my part. The one thing I always told myself was that I was willing to fight through anything, do anything, and suffer anything, as long as my children were happy and unaffected by it. As my oldest turned 7, I could see it was started to affect him. My heart would just break as he would yell at us from the back seat to stop fighting.
Here is the thing. People seem to think that parents should never get divorced, and that its ALWAYS better for the kids if they stay together. That parents should put aside their lives, their feelings, their everything, for the sake of the kids. And in some cases I will say it probably works. But I knew one thing for sure, that I did not want my children to grow up and get into marriages similar to mine because that is what I showed them is normal. THAT, was not worth whatever magic society thinks rests in an in tact marriage. I knew that my children would be better off if both of their parents could be completely happy with other people, and show them what they should look for in a partner, and for the better part of 10 years, we tried and tried and failed.
I know some people are disappointed in me that I didn’t keep trying. That I didn’t “give it another shot,” but in the end, I love Jason so intensely, so deeply, so fiercely, that I wanted this for HIM. I was never the wife for him that he deserved, that I know he wants, and it was physically hurting me to constantly be hurting him with our never ending fights. I love my children so incredibly deep that I want them to see a better example of marriage and for their parents to be focused on them more and as a family. I finally decided I love myself enough to forgive myself for failing and allow myself a second chance at a different kind of happiness, one that means I will be alone.
That’s ok. I am learning one day at a time to be ok being alone. To be happy, being alone. To make the most out of my life, for this world, alone.
So while I know its hard to see and understand, our divorce was done with an incredibly amount of love and pain. It wasn’t easy, at times it still isn’t, but Jason and I are still in this together. We are still a family. We are still so loved by each other. We have separated ourselves completely from the ways we didn’t work and are going to let the good parts overlap. We love our boys and doing things together with them. So we do that. We used to constantly scare each other any chance we got, and we still do that. I didn’t want to try to save our marriage for so long and so never ending, that when we finally called it quits, we hated each other. We want to celebrate holidays and birthdays together, we want to sit in the same section at their games together so they can have the biggest most embarrassing cheering section there. Jason and I in the very beginning started as friends, and now that are marriage is over, we can be friends again and it works. For US. The choice you make between hating and loving, will define the rest of your life. We chose love, still.